Here's My Sign...

Our Yearly Signs for Go Red Month!

Cache's Cochlear Implant Journey

Our cochlear implant journey has been an exciting, scary, and amazing journey so far. Our decision for implanting Cache was never an easy one. We only want what is best for him, and we decided opening this door would only help him. While our expectations of oral outcomes are not high, we are very hopeful it will be successful, because honestly, there is nothing Cache does that is not with all his broken heart. We really did our research on this one. I asked advice from people in our same position, Deaf friends, and the people who work with Cache at school. We took it all in and weighed all our options. While my brain told me Cache did not “need” this, my heart told me Cache loves sound, loves speech, and wants more than anything to have an easier time communicating with his hearing peers. That is what sold me. Cache will always have ASL, and it will ALWAYS be is first language. Maybe one day he won’t like his cochlear implant, and that is fine because he will always have ASL. There is many people we may have disappointed in our choice, many people who were excited for us, but the most important thing was, that Cache was happy. Today I am happy to report he LOVES his cochlear implant! He is doing very well and picking up sound at a pretty rapid pace. I love talking to him, and I can even give a whisper of his name and he turns. Pretty amazing stuff! But then again, it is Cache, and he NEVER stops amazing me. As for the surgery, he did well. This is the one thing I was a wreck for since being under anesthesia can be so dangerous for his heart. Coming out of the anesthesia was a little bit of a challenge and his heart was not 100% cooperating, but he pulled through and we got to go home the next day.

The switch on day was amazing. He was over excited to have his devise turned on! He was in awe of his own little voice. It is definitely a day I will never forget! He was so excited to get in a bath with his new cochlear implant! Yup, it is waterproof! Now we just work hard at listening and hope speech comes. I think it will because my boy is amazing and defies all laws and rules! The Switch on.... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=opQ6_sgMvzc

My Perspective...

I want to give you my perspective on having a heart child. Now this will differ from other heart kids because my kid’s heart condition is unique. My kids look healthy, they look like normal children, play like normal children, and there is no outside hint that, inside their tiny little chest, their heart is not beating like a normal child. Now, take how much you worry about your child. Even the simplest of worries, will they get picked on, will they eat enough, did they brush their teeth, did they have a good day at school, are they going to look both ways before they cross a street? These are normal worries about your child and rightfully so. As parents we naturally worry about our children. See, I have all those same worries, but what can, and at times consumes me, is whether my child will make it through the day without dyeing. Maybe you think that is dramatic, but the fact of the matter is it is true. EVERY DAY I send my children to school I have to fight the fear that I may get a horrible phone call today. Every day I ask myself, is today going to be the day one of my children collapses and dies? If you think I am being dramatic, I am not. It is a very deep rooted fear I fight every day. I can tell you, one little phone number from my children’s school shows on the caller ID, my knees weaken, my heart instantly speeds up, and it is all I can do to breath. I live with fear every day because losing one of my children is something I just can’t bare. Yet it is something I must come to terms with. While you all may sit there and say I am crazy, or that it is not going to happen, let me remind you that it has happened. My son has suffered sudden cardiac arrest. I have always put it lightly, he had a deadly arrhythmia, but the truth of the matter, my son died, and with the work of good technology (that is the only way the doctors can explain it) his pace maker saved him. I don’t want pity, I just want you to realize that there are a few moms and dads out there with my same reality. It is a horrible reality we face every day. While I try not to live in fear because it can and will consume you, there is an internal battle we face and demons we fight daily, and at times, that alone is exhausting.

CHD Awareness

My teenage years were full of sports and exercise. There was not a day that went by I didn’t have some sort of game or practice. My days consisted school, track, soccer, a jog, and finished up with some strength training. Never would you have guessed my heart was broken. I was older, married and about to have my second child, Cache. I was off to my usual 32 week check-up at my obstetrician office. That was the day our lives changed forever. It was that exciting moment when you get to hear that slushing heart beat and know that the big bump in your belly is this living being in your body. That slushing sound turned out to be my nightmare. My doctor explained to me that the baby’s heart rate was far too low and that my son had something wrong with him. This is something you never expect to hear when you are having a baby. Babies don’t come out sick? At least that was my naive way of thinking. My doctor told me to walk over to labor and delivery and he would meet me there as soon as he was finished with patients he had in his office. When I got to Labor and Delivery, they strapped me up to all these machines, and I had instant panic around me. Nurses were rushing around and almost screaming. All I could do was sit there and wonder what was going on. Next thing you know I was being prepped for an emergency C-section. That was until my doctor walked in the door and told them all to calm down. It was a sigh of relief. My doctor performed an ultra sound along with what felt like another 30 doctors. They all agreed with one thing, my baby was fine for now and needed to stay right where he was. He stated that there was something defiantly wrong with his heart, but until he was born they would not know what. After 36 weeks and lots of daily monitoring and doctor visits, I was induced and my beautiful little boy Cache came into the world fighting like a champ. The next few hours were about to change our lives forever. Cache was diagnosed with Long QT syndrome a few hours after birth and was immediately transferred to Sunrise Children’s Hospital. I was discharged and headed there to figure out just exactly what was to happen next. There we were greeted by the pediatric cardiologist who had done an ultrasound on Cache’s heart in utero. He began to explain the details of Long QT syndrome and how they treat it. He then told us they could not treat Cache because his heart rate was already dangerously low. To fix this, our son was to have open heart surgery and have a pacemaker placed. A pacemaker, isn’t that for old people? We were numb and just in a really bad dream. Three days after our perfect son’s birth he was placed with a pacemaker in his little tiny tummy. I remember that day clearly and as I held him waiting for the surgeons, Landslide by Fleetwood Mac was playing on the radio. It was a Saturday morning and we meet the surgical team. They answered all are questions and we walked my infant son down a long hall. We gave him a kiss and we said good-by. The hospital waiting room was a ghost town. We waited, and waited, and waited, and then did a little more waiting. I clearly remember seeing the whole surgical team walk into the deserted waiting room. My heart sank and I think my knees nearly hit the floor. Why were all of them coming in? Why did they all need to talk to us? As we approached them the head surgeon said “Everything went great.” The best words we had heard our whole lives. I am not the “reach out and give a hug to a stranger” kind of girl but I did just that. The next few weeks, after Cache’s pacemaker placement, had its up and downs. His heart rejected the pacemaker and fluid began to build around his heart. They eventually had to go in and put a drain in to his heart to relieve the fluid. We had trouble with feeding and jaundice. It was three weeks to the day that my son was able to come home and have his two older brothers hold him for the first time. Life with Cache has proven to be a challenging one. Cache never passed a newborn hearing screen and while most parents would be freaking out about this, we had much bigger fish to fry. We were told at the time of his birth that Cache could have a very rare form of Lonq QT Syndrome called Jervell and Lange-Nielsen syndrome. This rare form of Long QT Syndrome causes sever to profound hearing loss. At about the age of three, this was confirmed through genetic testing but Cache also carries another genetic strain as well, Long QT Syndrome type 1. No one, as of then, had ever carried these two genes on the national registry. He had a double dose. It was also confirmed that I too had Long QT Syndrome type 1 and so did my other two biological children. Through the years Cache has had many obstacles he overcame. At the age of 2 ½ he had a deadly arrhythmia and was lucky to be alive. After that arrhythmia, it was then decided Cache needed his pacemaker replaced with an Implantable Cardiac Defibrillator (ICD) and have a left cardiac sympathetic denervation. It was a little over a year after the ICD placement in his stomach that it became infected. The ICD was removed and he was placed in the Pediatric Intensive Care Unit for a week until it was decided that he was big enough to have an ICD implanted in his chest. A few weeks later he had to go back in and have pieces removed that had been left in him on accident. Cache is a thriving child and plays like any other child. We have been very blessed and we all consider him our life saver. He not only saved his Mom, brother, and sister, but his Uncle and three cousins. I am the luckiest Mom in the world to be Cache’s Mom. He has given me far more then I could ever give him. Cache inspires people with his amazing smile, big blue eyes, and love of life. Cache has taught us and everyone surrounded by him that life is far too short and life is more than just the daily grind. It is about living life to the fullest and making sure those who you love, know you love them. It is about today, and living in today, not about what can happen in the future. We have today and that is all we need to get to tomorrow. http://pinterest.com/ruth_h/the-faces-of-chd-congenital-heart-awareness-week-f/

I debated on posting this...

I obviously choose to do it. I wrote this paper for my English class. I remember him sitting there on his recliner chair late at night watching television with the volume as loud as it possible could go. Maybe it was to drown out the sound of us four children. The constant call for my mother to get him a drink or to get him some food would make us all turn our heads. He was a quiet man, but when he spoke, we all listened. There was no question of when he was mad; you ran the other way as fast as you could. He never did engage much in my childhood. I remember thinking how odd it was that he was going to school to become a teacher when he hardly ever focused on my studies. It seemed the television held a much greater interest to him. Maybe he was just tired after all; he was going to school, holding a full time job sometimes two, to keep our family running. Maybe his lack of engagement into my life was just that, he was trying to make sure I had what I needed to stay engaged. The perception I had of my father, as I grew up changed, but after his passing in May 2010, I knew my father more than I ever had. After my father received his degree in education, he seemed to be gone more than ever before. I often wondered why he sat at school all night. Could a teacher possibly have that much work to do? I thought it seemed strange, and at times, wondered if it was just an excuse to not come home to his family. There was no doubt in my mind that my father cared and loved us; I just often wondered if he knew how to show it. I had now grown older and my high school was far behind me. My father, who seemed to be at his work far more than his home, let me drop out of high school. I never understood how a man, who said he cared so much about education, let his own daughter drop out of school. My reasoning for dropping out of high school far exceeded just the lazy teen who did not want to go to school. I was not into drugs, I did not drink, and I was not pregnant. I had issues far beyond that and my issues were emotional having lost a close friend pass away tragically. Maybe I misjudged my father, maybe, just maybe he knew exactly what he was doing. Maybe he knew me better then I knew myself back then. Maybe he knew it would work out if he let me get out of the one struggle I had in my life. As I grew older, got married, and had a family of my own, my father remained teaching at the same school. Not much changed either; he still stayed at the school all hours of the night. My mom still got his dinner when he got home, and he still watched television on his recliner as loud as it could be. He never change really with one exception, he was an amazing grandfather. I think my father went to more of my children’s school functions then mine. I think he interacted more with them then he ever did as I was a child and you could see the love in his eyes. It was my Dad’s long eight month battle with esophageal cancer when I learned more about him then I ever knew. As I watched my, now frail Dad sit in his bed, whether he was at the hospital or at home, he was surrounded by little notes given to him by his students and co-workers. It was his fight to get back to school and be with his students that made him gain strength. It was his track team that got him through the last few months and getting to see the trophy his debate team won just a day prior to his passing. With each day, week, and month that passed he had one remaining goal in mind, to see his students, to be with his class, and to be doing what he loved most, teaching. I remember getting mad at my father for wanting to work while he was so frail and sick. I told him he needed to stop, gain his strength and get better, and that his students were just fine without him. He disagreed with me and went back to school every chance he got. It was my father’s last day here on earth when I started to understand the big picture. It was when all his colleagues old and new came pouring in to say good-by to my Dad. It was the school janitors that came to say how much they loved him, and how he helped them by just his kindness. It was when two old students came to see him, and one of them became a teacher and was substituting for my father while he was ill. It was their stories of my Dad, who was this guy I never knew. It was all the kids who gave me hugs, told me stories of my father, and cried when they heard he was gone forever. It was the Mother and daughter who came to his school because she knew I was going to be there; to tell me thanks for having such a great father. That he had helped her daughter through some of the hardest times of her life. It was the story that my Dad would help all the kids that needed help, the kids that struggled, and the kids which no other teacher could reach. It was the story that my Dad secretly bought a boy shoes because his parents could not afford them due to his Dad losing his job. It is the bench that now sits outside the school building where my Dad taught in his memory. Standing on that church pew talking about my Dad at his funeral, I instantly became proud to be his daughter. Looking out and seeing all the young faces of the kids my Dad had touched moved me. My father knew all along he had instilled more in me then I ever knew. He knew I would be fine and make things happen for me. He knew I did not need him at all my school functions or sports events. He knew others needed him more than we did. He knew he needed to help kids that didn’t have a Dad like mine.

If you would have told me...

If you would have told me that last year would be the last Christmas with my Dad, I would not have changed a thing. It was a good Christmas.

This I Believe...

I believe motherhood is the hardest job a human being can have. Motherhood is not giving birth; it is when having a child turns your world upside down. Life, as you have come to know it, no longer exists, and your perspective on the world is changed forever. It starts when nothing matters more then this small, innocent, child you have graciously and courageously brought into this chaotic world. Motherhood begins when you have untiring sacrifice, untold influence, unfailing faith, and undying love. Motherhood is the greatest sacrifice. You no longer worry about yourself, the things you want or can't do. These take a back seat because your child’s needs always come first. That trip you wanted to take, the outfit you always wanted, or the sports car you can no longer fit a car-seat in, has now become nothing more then a washed away silly dream. Your time, money, and desires are now filled with changing diapers, carpooling, appointments, practice, homework, cooking, and other motherly duties. Most of all, making sure they have food on the table, a roof over their head, and are as healthy as a child can be. The desires you have now are to see them grow, succeed in life, and be happy. Your actions now, being mother, are more important and have more impact. Your actions shape future generations and have a larger impact on the world. How you are as a mother, a neighbor, a friend, a wife, is placed under a microscope and watched very carefully. Your child idolizes who you are and will want to become just like you. You are a super hero and do great and wonderful things such as make ouch-ies go away, bedtime tuck-ins, throw great birthday parties, rides to the mall, pay for their college, and baby-sit their children. You wear an "S" on your chest, even when at times; you feel it is not there. Your actions have a lasting effect on them that one day, they too, may wear an "S" on their chest, because great mothers, raise great mothers. No matter how bad the world is, no matter how bad your child makes mistakes; you always have faith in them. You know they will stumble, you know they will make mistakes, but they know you will always be there for them. You will pick them up when they stumble, brush them off, and tell them to do it again, because you have faith. When they make mistakes, you will tell them they were wrong, you will help them fix it, and you will make sure they know you still love them, because you have faith. You have more faith in your child then you do in all of humanity. The strongest love, the undying kind, is that of my children. There is no one on Earth I will ever love more, would ever do more for, or would ever give up so much for. I am now more vulnerable, more scared, when I send my children out into the world. I have never had a stronger heartache as when they hurt, because seeing them in pain, is far more painful then anything I have ever felt. I never feel as connected, so together as one, as I do with my children. A mother’s love, long after they are gone, will linger in their heart far deeper then anyone. A mother’s love will live on in them, and in their children, and in theirs. It is a life cycle of undying love that will never end with me, this I believe.

My Dad's Eulogy

It was a monumental year in history for our Country; February 27, 1945. Robert Banks Lindsay was born to Ezra Reed and Marva Banks Lindsay in Salt lake City, Utah. Next to all the illustrious events of that year the birth of one small child, it would seem, would be very insignificant. His world would consist of education, travel, education, family, and education. One can see a reoccurring pattern here. To prove a point, his first TV program was “The State of the Union Address” given by Harry S. Truman. As the years continued he found he could take on anything his mom insisted he learn: Dance classes Playing the clarinet Foreign language Studies Scouts (getting his eagle at 11) Football (not mom’s choice) ROTC (not her choice either) Finally, after years of making sure he accomplished what was asked of him, he graduated from East High School. Now, the hard choices were to be made…where to go from here. His first option was taking the appointment he received to West Point or serving an LDS mission. Ok I need to back track that would come after studies at Kings College in England, the University of Innsbruck in Austria, and University of Mexico in Mexico City. There was really no choice to be made, a LDS mission was his next adventure of his life. Robert received his call and away he went to serve the Lord in Southern Germany. He had the pleasure of being the cook and chauffeur for President Ezra Taft Benson whenever he came to Germany. When it was time to return home, yet another event changed his life and he would be asked to stay and help open the Italian Mission. After 3 years of serving, he returned home with well deserved pride. Again, decisions were going to have to be made; where to attend college?! Now, if you know Robert at all I could stop the story here. Obviously, He chose The University of Utah. GO UTES! Robert began his college experience studying Business Administration while also playing football and marching in the school’s band. However, he was about to be detoured by another set of events. He met a young woman, Mary Wegloski. After finishing their first date, Robert knew he was going to spend the rest of his life with her, telling his mother he knew she was “the one”. Little did Mary know, she was hooked for life. They were married August 18, 1969 and later solemnized their marriage in the Salt Lake City Temple. From there, it was a routine of school and work. That is, until Mary made the unexpected announcement they were going to be having their first child, Adam Banks Lindsay. Although unplanned, they knew they could make it work. Robert was then left with more choices, following hard decisions. He decided to leave school and become self-employed. He started up his own business being a contractor and realtor. This career path continued through three more children, Callin Reed, Amanda Marie, and Melissa Michelle. Within a short time, the couple of two was transformed into a family of six. These four children then, unknowingly, prompted his next career choice. As his children grew older, he began coaching them in all their desired activities, football, basketball, and baseball. From there, he spent countless hours coaching, not only his children, but hundreds of others. He also stood by Mary’s side as she pursued her dream of running her own dance studio. Hand in hand, they traveled throughout the Pacific Coast with her company. Backtracking a little, Robert’s mother was a school teacher. She wanted nothing more than for Robert to follow in her footsteps and begin teaching himself. Robert was not so enthused by the idea. However, after being given an opportunity to teach his son at the private school, he decided to retire from building, and give it a try. With teaching, he continued to coach where he took the baseball team to state, taking second. After a few years of both, he had found his passion. He then made another life-changing decision, and went back to school where he received his degree in Secondary Education. With that, he started his public teaching career at Wasatch Jr. High, where he spent the next 20 years of his life teaching and coaching. There, he taught Math and U.S. History while also starting the school’s first wrestling team, coached track, cross country, basketball, and even the academic team. His awards and acknowledgements are far too numerous to list. Robert not only lived to coach, he also had a passion for educating the young adults around him, instilling knowledge, core values, and love for learning. His success is well succeeded. Robert, or Mr. L as he was fondly known, was loved and respected by both colleagues and students. Aside from his professional life, Robert’s personal life persisted of raising his four children. Like his students, he raised his children to become productive, honest, adults. One of his most recent joys in life was spending time and being involved with his 13 grandchildren who looked up to and loved him unconditionally. This August, Mary and Robert would have celebrated their 42nd Anniversary where, without a doubt, there would have been many more to follow. Robert lived a life of integrity, honesty, incredible work ethic, unconditional love, and humility. He will be missed by everyone he knew, for he touched every heart in which he met. He will be mostly missed by his wife, children, and grandchildren. Robert, you are a special person who leaves behind an amazing legacy, and who, as one small child, had no idea the impact you would have on so many lives. You will be in our thoughts and hearts, forever and always.

Making It Count

What would you do if you knew you only had a short time to live? I guess you could call it a "Bucket List". I have tried to think about this, since I may just have a short amount of time left with my dad. I have decided it didn't matter what we do, just make it count. I wish he had the strength to go do some crazy stuff, but for now we will do the simple things, like learn ASL together or go to a movie. I would love some great ideas to be able to spend time with him. What would you do with your dad? It's been a hard week for me, harder then I thought it would. I honestly don't feel sorry for me, I mostly feel sorry for him. The pain he must feel everyday and the thoughts that must be going through his head. I feel sorry for my kids who will probably have a hard time remembering him. They love my parents to death and to think that they won't remember that kills me. I feel sorry my dad will never get the chance to see my kids grow up, what kind of kids they turn out to be, and how Eric and I raised them. So he could be proud of his daughter that raised so many great children. I feel sorry for my mom, who has to see his pain everyday and try to stay positive though it is probably killing her inside. I am sad that he never got the chance to walk me down the isle with my soul mate. I am sad I wanted to wait until our 10 years to re due our voes so he could. I hate seeing my family in pain and sadness. I feel like I should be strong for them, because that is who I am. I want to take the wheels and steer the train on the less painful path for all of them. I can't change these things I want to, but I will do all my power to make sure I get a few things right. I will make sure we stay a family and will never let that slip. I will make sure that even if he can't be here, he will still be proud of me and his grandchildren, because I will be a better parent then he was, because that is what he wanted me to be, as my children will do the same. I will be a better sister and make sure my family knows I love them. I will make sure my mother never gets lonely and knows she always has us. I will make sure to make every moment count! I will squeeze my kids a little tighter, hold my husband a little closer, and make sure the people I love know I love them. I will make sure my family spends as much time as we can with my dad, just Making It Count.

My Heart Hurts...

My dad's cancer is now un-opritable. They will try one more round of chemo to slow or kill it but it has now travled to his lymphnods. They are saying 6 months if the chemo does not work and 12 if it does. It just hurts so bad. I don't have that much more to say, other then it hurts...

Still Nothing

We are home now which is wonderful. Except the fact, I have a million in one things to do and no time to do them in!

I still have no answers as to why Cache was so sick. When we left the hospital Sunday they had no answers for us. They thought he had e-coli, but all the test today came back clear. When we followed up with my pediatrician today she told me that she did not feel that a few days of diarrhea and 1 day of throwing up would make him that sick and that dehydrated. I would really have to agree. Cache got really sick really fast, I mean in the matter of hours. He was just eating and drinking the day prior. It seemed to have her stumped, but still wants us to follow-up with a GI doctor, which I wanted to do anyway. Cache has always had a sensitive tummy and it would just put my mind at ease to have him checked for the bloody stools. Cache was still really anemic when we left the hospital so they want him on a iron supplement. Today his leaves were up and the doctor feels that they will get back to normal, but we need to follow up in a few weeks to make sure.

When I left the doctors office I started to have low blood sugar. Something we all have and I never think twice about it. I just eat and I am better. That is when I remembered that when we first moved back to Utah, I was diagnosed with borderline Addisons disease. I never thought much about it, until now. An Addisons crisis can cause some major changes to the body, much like Cache had, and make you very sick very fast. So I called the doctor back on our way home. She feels that may very well be a possibility. Tomorrow morning we our going to have more blood work and see if my random thoughts could be right. As much as I hope not, I sure want some answers. I want to know why my little guy got so sick, so fast. It scares me, I was very lucky we made it to the hospital when we did.

Cache Update

Late on Wednesday Cache came home from school with a fever, which soon lead to diarrhea. Yesterday he still had a fever and diarrhea, but he was still eating and drinking fine. Late last night he started to have bloody diarrhea. When we woke up this morning he started to vomit and still had bloody diarrhea. I started to get concerned so we went to the Riverton ER. On our way I could tell he was progressively getting worse and that his sugars were getting low.

When we arrived, I told the triage nurse he has seizures from low blood sugar and she said after the vitals we will get it checked. We get into a room and his doctor and 2 nurses came in. Again I told them he has hypoglycemic seizures and I am worried about him. They say ok and attempt to start an IV. At this point I am thinking it is to hang dextrose on him. Well they cant get a line but get enough to draw blood. They then proceed to try to find a line. I ask again,

"Can he have a soda?"

"No, the doctor wants to wait to see what we find out."

"The blood you drew, did you get a glucose on it?"

"Yeah but we won't get it back for a little bit."

"OK, I know getting a line is important, but, see how he is getting sweaty and cold? See how he is not fighting you now and he is falling asleep? He is about to seize on you and I promise it is not pretty. And seeing as you can't get a line right now and you are going to have to use a bone marrow line if you don't hurry!"

"He drops that fast? OK I will go get it"

So guess what his sugar was???? 36! No, he did not seize, thanks to me, but he got a soda in him barley! Yes people, I know what I am talking about! I am not some dumb mom, I am pretty "seasoned" to say the least. What was his sugar when they drew the first time...46. So it dropped 10 points in less then 30 minutes.

So what wrong with him? They don't know why he has bloody diarrhea yet with his fever. They are working on that. They do know that he is severely dehydrated and his electrolytes are all messed up. His sugars are up and down but not dropping really low. So they admitted to Primary Childrens for awhile. Or at least until they can get him back to normal. We must be past due for our visit here. He seems to be doing better, but he blood work is still not normal. He is however bossing myself and his nurse around very well. He is defiantly keeping her on her toes! Let's hope for home tomorrow, but expect the worse. The only way I know how to get threw it!

MOBT

November 16, 2010

Steady income, a roof over our heads, and food on our table... Sounds like common sense, right? Well today was a little special for me. I was on my daily grind of running around town trying to get things done. I was tired and just wanted to be home getting house work done. That is when I saw something that I have seem many times. This one, some how, pulled at my heart strings. I was getting off the freeway, and the light had just turned green so traffic was moving. I was in the far lane when I saw him. There stood a man holding a sign that read, "Out of work, desperate, I have kids." Although his sign would make any mother sad, it wasn't the sign that got to me. It was the way he was standing there, the way his head was hung, and the shame on his face. He didn't want to be there holding that sign. It brought tears to my eyes as I drove away. There was something in me that wanted to turn around and give this guy some money and tell him things would get better. I never give money to people on the side of the road and I am not sure why this man touched me so much. I didn't have cash, so I decided I was going to go to the store and get some. By the time I got back on the freeway and off the exit again, he was gone. I felt horrible that I never got the chance to help. Yes, maybe he would have just bought his next fix, a pack of cigarettes, or a bottle of vodka, but I was willing to give him that chance. Because it may have meant that he made his rent, or bought some milk, diapers, or a loaf of bread. So today I am grateful to the man holding the sign who reminded how fortunate I am, and that I do not have to see my kids go without.

MOBT

November 15, 2010

My 7 minutes of quite in the tanning bed and Eric's car FINALLY passed inspection...It may have only been 7 minutes, but it was the best 7 minuets today! It has been one of those days. Also in addition to my 7 minutes, Eric's new, but used, car finally passed inspection. We have learned lots of things about this car, but I think we finally got everything fixed and running awesome. It really is a sweet car, but it is expensive.

MOBT

November 14, 2010

Are you sick of reading these yet?

Lazy days... I did nothing all day. Took a shower late and got nothing accomplished. I have a love hate relationship with these days. I love to do nothing but hate the feeling of getting nothing done. I figure there is always tomorrow!

MOBT

A little catch up...

November 12, 2010

A strong marriage... I am so very grateful I found my soul mate. Eric and I make a wonderful team. Sure we have our ups and downs, but overall we make things work and have fun doing it. My kids will always grow up with both parents in the home and always know we are on the same team. I never want my children to have to experience that. I can't imagine a day without them, and it would be so hard on me not see their smiling faces everyday. This is such a rare thing these days, but I am pretty confidante that Eric and I are life long partners. We are not quitters and we have made it through some already tuff times and I can't see anything breaking us now. I am not saying it will always be easy for us, but I know both of us are willing to try. Love ya Babe!


November 13, 2010

Spending time with the parents... Even if it is just watching my Utes loose, it is still a great time. My kids absolutely love my parents and they enjoy every time they come around. This is irreplaceable time.

MOBT

November 11, 2010

Veterans...Of course, it is Veteran's Day! It goes along with my freedom post, I am grateful for those who served and are serving. They have given so selfishly to protect the freedoms we have everyday. I am grateful for their family's who have also give selfishly. Mommy's and Daddy's raising their children alone while their loved one is away at war. That is a true hero. Those family's are amazing to me. I could never be that strong. I have a dear life long friend that is an Officer in the Army. If you would have asked me 10+ years ago, that she would be in the Army, an Officer, and one of top ranking women, I would have laughed at you. She has made me so proud to call her my friend. She will probably never read this because she is way too busy to read my blog! But I want you all to know that she has overcome many things in her life and is now doing something far more then I would have expected. Giving her life for others, protecting our freedoms, and being one of my role models. If you do read this, dear friend, I love you and very proud of you! xoxo

MOBT

November 10, 2010

My baby girl...My life can now be full of sassy girl things. I love my boys and they are, at times, much easier then my little Princess. I always wanted a little girl and was so sad when I found out we were having another boy. Eric kept on telling me Miller's did not have girls, because that is what his father told him. Much to my surprise God knew what he was doing! I needed my boys, I needed to have Cache first. He needed to save all our lives, and then he would give me the little girl I always wanted. It is amazing how God works that way. So now my day can be full of getting my hair done, dressing Barbies, holding babies, and dance class. I love it! She is so dramatic at times I want to scream and laugh at the same time. Girls and boys are so different, but they each have their special qualities. I am grateful to get the chance to raise both!

MOBT

November 9, 2010
Yes, I got lazy and decided to abbreviate!

Life... It is so short! It seems like I have been told this my whole life. Not just now, not just as an adult, but since I was a child, teen, and now. Maybe God was preparing me for my future. I hope he now knows, that I do not need anymore reminders. I truly love life. I love the people in my life. I have so many things that I am grateful for in my life. I am surrounded by a wonderful husband and amazing kids that all make me a better person. I have wonderful parents, in-laws, sisters, brothers, nieces, nephews, aunts, uncles, cousins and friends. Every single one have you has contributed to the person I am today. You have made my life complete and brought joy and memories that I will cherish forever. I wish I had a chance to tell each of you how much you mean to me and the qualities I truly love about each of you. That would be an awful long post, so please, you know who you are! I am sure I don't say it nearly enough, but thank you and I love you! Thank you God for giving me life and the wonderful people in it!

A Month of Being Thankful

November 8, 2010

Medicine...It has been a long day for our family today. Today my father started his chemo today. I haven't yet blogged about my father and his cancer yet. A little over a month ago my father was diagnosed with stage 3 esophageal cancer. I really did not know how to even start. I have really tried to stay positive so I figured blogging about would show some un-positive emotions. I didn't want that and still don't. So I will try to remain positive and keep talking about all the things I am grateful for. While he was receiving the medication to save his life, he had a heart attack. The most positive thing was that he was in a hospital. They were able to control it, and prevent anything fatal from happening. Unfortunately this has put a hold on his chemo. His heart will now take precedence over the cancer. I hope it turns up nothing and he can go back to receiving his chemo. We have long road ahead of us and I am not sure what that road looks like.