Thursday, October 2, 2008

The One Thing That Could Make Me Cry

So it's been a long week! I mean long! My job sucks, Eric has put in crazy hours, I only got to workout once this week, oh my job sucks, I have got nothing accomplished this week, I am going to miss Yorks game tomorrow, and my job sucks!

But today everything has been put into perspective. All those things above seriously do not matter. Ok Yorks game does, but you get what I am saying. Today was the most trying day I have had in 3 years. Yes 3 seems to be the magic number. Let see... Cache is my 3rd child, he had his pacemaker placed on his 3rd day of life, and now he is 3 years old.

Cache went for his pacer check today and what I wanted to be a quick get this over turned into a all day event. I was stressed because I had to take all the kids by myself, and these doctor appointments are not easy ones. They have to do all sorts of tests and it is long. My kids were out of control and wanting to leave by the time the doctor got into the room. That's when I got the worst news I have had in 3 years. Cache has had an arrhythmia. It happened on July 1st. I remember this day clearly because Cache and I visited the hospital this day. Cache had came in from the backyard screaming and signing that his head hurt. It looked like he hit it but he always does so I got him a bottle to calm him. I took him down stairs and turned on the tv. Not but 5 minutes later York found Cache lying on the stairs looking like he was sick. So York picked him up and he vomited. My first reaction was that he had a concussion. So off we went. Apparently it was not a concussion. Today we found out Cache had an arrhythmia and is a very blessed boy to have had his heart start back in sinus. I was a little on the shocked side when she told me. I don't know if Cache had his meds that morning and if he did he probably just had it. Then came the big hard to swallow news. We need to place a defibrillator. So we are looking at a trip to Primary's ICU within the next week or so.

I knew this day would come. I would have to face another surgery. I just thought I had a few years. Although the surgery scares the crap out of me, that is not what frightens me the most. What scares me is the fact that he could have died. I could have lost him on July 1st, 2008. It is a thought that just sits in the back of my mind all the time, but I try to think logical. Here is my reality check! I am a mom with a child who has Pro Long QT and there is nothing you can do. You can't fix him or make him better. You just have to hope that you are the lucky one who gets to see there child grow-up to be that great man you know he will be. I see kids die everyday at work and I never want to be those parents. I can't imagine the pain they go through. Every time I hear about a child that dies, I never forget it. I always have this thought that it could have been me. All I can do is sit here and hope and pray that he will be ok. It is a horrible feeling! I wish there was something that could be done to just make it go away. To fix him. For now, I guess will go with the hoping and praying.

I know you most of you know the love a mother has with there child, and with each child it is different. I love all my kids for different reasons. Cache is the one I admire, the one I want to be like. Nothing stops that kid. He is determined, challenging, brave, smart, enduring, caring, and can turn a frown up side down by a look. He is an amazing child. I have learned so much from him. He is my life lessons and has taught me so much more then any text book could.

I love you Cache with all my heart and I will be there for you every step of your life. You will never ever be alone. I will fight right along side of you!


Lisa said...

Mouse - that was beautiful! I love you guys so much!!! and we will do ANYTHING ANYTHING that we can for your family.

I am so sorry that this is your trial in life. You are in our prayers each night. It will be ok - Cache will be ok! He is an amazing child!

I love you Cache - don't tell anyone, but from the moment I met you in Seattle you have been my very favorite!! I know I am not supposed to have favorites, but you are so full of strength, you are brave, you are smart, you never give up. I love you so much little buddy!!

Natalie said...

Melissa- I am so sorry that you got bad news today. If there is ANYTHING I can do for you, let me know. We'll keep your cute Cache in our prayers too. You are a great mom and I'm sure a huge strength to your family. Hang in there. I feel like I should run over to your house, knock on your door and give you a GIANT hug! Consider this a cyber (((hug))).

Lisa said...

I gave her a big hug - wanted or not wanted ... I really didn't care.

She is an awesome Mom and a tremendous strength to her family and an example to ours.

Jennica said...

Melissa - I am so sorry! What an amazing post. You are an awesome Mom! We will keep cute little Cache in our prayers. We love you guys and are thinking about you!

Chelby said...

Melissa I am so sorry but I am so proud of you and I love that little guy. he will be in my prayers and if i can do anything you know where to find me.Love you and your cute family